My mom always exclaimed, “Blue are for boys, and pink are for girls!” I’ve been hearing that line for 19 years now. When I was young, I was blinded by what was good and right for me, that I disregarded my own feelings about colours. Till now, my perception about colours, style, and thoughts still revolved around my mom’s words. At present, I feel pretty indignant about the mixture of feelings surrounding making the “right” decisions, especially on my own. I realised that I needed my own opinion. thoughts, beliefs and perceptions. It felt like manipulation and control whenever my mom spoke about her opinions these days. That was getting slightly annoying.
This was part of the reason why I was rebellious at times. Whenever my mom voiced out her perception, I tried to dispute but to no avail. My brain was programmed to know that her opinions were still “right” somehow, and that I still have to listen & give in to her. I was literally torn between wanting to listen to my mom and be the “good” girl I’ve always been just because I didn’t want her to be angry at me. Yes, I was the apple of the eye in everybody’s eye, but it was not ME. My heart and mind were not aligned, and I know that I have to change. I wanted change, no…needed change. I was overwhelmed, and the (angel & devil) thoughts were tearing me apart slowly and painfully. At first, I resisted the pain. But slowly, I had no choice but to succumb to the pain.
“That’s the thing about pain. It demands to be felt.”
― John Green The Fault in our Stars
Once again, I fell into the depression state. It was a terrible feeling to go through that phase again — just because I resisted what Universe wanted me to do – rebel. I’m not a rebel in nature, but Universe does have it’s ways to make you into one till you succumb submissively to your lesson. I’ve realised just that, and decided that ENOUGH WAS ENOUGH. For now, I’m still trying to have the courage to stand my ground towards the decisions and opinions that I make. I needed to TRUST myself to make my own RIGHT decisions.
I was very lucky for the angels guided me to a very special and compassionate colour reader, whom I consider a dear friend and advisor to me — Bernard Charles . I’ve gone to him for a colour reading about my life purpose, and he told me about it. Coincidentally, I’ve gotten the Cyan Blue card. It was a very pretty blue, and he was the one who introduced me to an extremely beautiful stone called Kyanite. Instantly, I was attracted to it and it’s energy. It was calling out to me like a siren’s calling. It was alluring, enticing and irresistible.
Within the two weeks of the consultation, I’ve managed to get myself a Kyanite bracelet. Surprisingly, I didn’t have to charge or program it because it was just calling me to wear it. Yes, it was a risk to just wear it without cleansing and charging it. But, it was a risk I was willing to take. I trusted my decision to wear it without cleansing or charging. It worked! I’ve been constantly wearing it throughout the day and night, except during shower time. I felt balanced, cleansed, and absolutely renewed! I was definitely fated to have Kyanite in my life. And, guess what? It’s BLUE!
This links me to another revelation which I’ve just known from my very dear cousin. While we were out for lunch yesterday, she complimented on the colour of the bracelet. I beamed, and thanked her. Then she moved on, telling me about the past.
“You know, you have always liked blue. Whenever your mom asked which colour you wanted, whether it was for a bag or a purse, you would never fail to choose blue. But your mom was being the typical stereotype, said that girls must have pink. That’s why most of your stuff are pink in the end.”
All this while, I’ve never hated pink but I disliked the colour because it was too bright for me. I didn’t like the attention that I was getting in the past. It was making me uncomfortable and people (especially girls) kept getting jealous that I was getting all the PINK. However, it was far from the truth. I’ve led a life of lies in the past. I didn’t like pink. I’ve never wanted or needed pink in my life before…and definitely not now.
From the photos that I’ve been scrolling through these days, I then realised that I’ve been wearing BLUE. It was like a constant walking reminder that my supposed colour, my life purpose is BLUE. The Universe wanted me to remember this, and stand my ground about this colour and matter. Just like this, I knew. My life then was different from now.
Blue…is my song, my life, and my purpose.